My Dungeon, Theseus and Apartment Hunting

My apartment has a dungeon.

We only go in there when we absolutely have to, because we are afraid of being cursed or something. This is not a joke.
When I first moved in, the apartment was a one bedroom, with two person occupancy. One bed was randomly in the living room, across from two chairs. I suspect this was so people could watch the living room sleeper sleeping. STARING AT THEM. We rectified the situation by moving the chairs into the “bedroom,” and moving the other bed into the living space. We did have the option to move the random bed into the bedroom, but we’d be so close we could hold hands while sleeping. While I love my roommate, this was not an option we really wanted to pursue.

I will never admit to having put someone in the dungeon to sleep, because I would never do something like that to another being. I’d also be afraid to lie about anything concerning that room. But, it is an effective threat/discourager when people I don’t necessarily want to sleep with want to come and stay with me.

The word for host (if what I remember from latin class in high school is correct) comes from the word hospes (both guest and host). It also means stranger, which had a really bad connotation back in the day when you could run into highway robbers and weirdos out on the street. But, incidentally in the stories of Theseus, the big T encountered a man willing to put him up for the night. This guy had quite the homicidal racket going on. Procrustes was his name, and decaptation and stretching was his game. Now I’m not really one to judge, but the guy had two beds and was probably a little more than obessive compulsive. One bed was short, the other was long, and you were never given the option to pick one bed vs. the other. He put you in one, and when you were deep asleep, he would either cut off your limbs or stretch you apart until you “fit” the bed. Theseus made quick work of him by being smarter. As far as ancient heroes go, he was actually pretty bright (especially compared to Hercules, what a dolt).¬†

As I search for my new apartment, I think I might miss the dungeon. But I also hope that my new landlord is not like Procrustes. I suppose these things are somewhat counterintutive to an apartment search, but I never said I was normal. I am legitimately afraid of meeting someone like Procrustes.  Hopefully there is an equally creepy room in my next apartment where I can threaten to put my guests (but not actually make them sleep in). At the very least, it would be good for storage.

*** DISCLAIMER: I am NOT AT ALL implying that my current landlord is like Procrustes.


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