Yoga Mind

Good morning! I woke up creative and calm this morning, a very yoga type of mood, which is good. This is my normal. I think that my cryfest last night was just what I needed, oddly enough, to get back on track.
I’m going to set some goals here for today, and if I don’t do them, whatever! They’re only guidelines 🙂
1. Clean
2. Practice
3. Cook for the party/potluck I’m going to tonight! Hooray for friends!
4. Team meeting :/ darn school
5. Write a poem or story
6. Have fun

Yeah man, peace for today, poem for tomorrow, and hope for the future. See you later!

Vogon Envy

I finally start to feel back to normal.
And then he calls.
I never knew long distance could be so hard. We have been long distance practically our entire relationship. It started at a job, where lots of rules were on place. Then at home we live 3 hours away from each other, making a quick date impossible. At school, I am even farther away, and I thought I could handle him being back at the place we met, without me.
I never cry, I don’t usually consider myself very emotional, which is funny because I write poetry. But poetry is my release. Instead of crying I write.
I can count on my hand the times I’ve cried in the past 3 years, but tonight, I am still crying. I try to believe that it is not because of him, CM has to do what he loves, I’m just missing him so much. Sorry but not sorry about the whining. I wrote him a letter and he just got it today and said he would sleep with it under his pillow. The jerk, he knows just what to say to make me love him even more and he might realize it or he might not, but I don’t even care.
And you know what? I am an ugly crier, and not ashamed to admit it.
I get the works, the tears streaming down my face, the blotchy red skin. Sometimes, I even get an allergic reaction from being so sensitive. It is magic.
I should really just take a lesson from the Vogons. They’ve got their stuff sorted out. A Vogon wouldn’t even save it’s grandmother from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without the proper paperwork. Not that I’m saying I want to be bureaucratic, but if I could quash my emotions like that right now it might be nice.
I actually feel better now that I’ve written it down. I guess you all are like my vent, so sorry for blowing off all this steam on you! I’ll be cheerful tomorrow, because I’m ending ‘me time’ it has gone on far too long. I’m an extrovert by nature, and I’ve realized I can’t rely on Netflix and meditation to make me better: I just need my friends and a night out to watch Maleficent.
Sending good vibes your way
-notavogon

There is Definitely a Write Way

A good nights sleep has a lot to do with restoring your sanity. Who knew?
I bought a curtain for my window two days ago, and not waking up at 5:30AM is actually really great.
When I got back home after a day of work and class, starting at 8 AM and ending at 9:30 PM, I realized I wasn’t as mentally exhausted as usual. That state of mind I was in always makes me a bit lethargic, but also feel like I have a million things to do. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a manic state, but it isn’t. It is just how I respond when I actually have a million things to do.
Today is my day to restore myself. I can always calm down when I have a me day. Usually it involves reading Jules Verne or Douglas Adams because their adventurous style and sense of humor remind me it could be worse. My brain could be powered by lemons, or I could be stuck under the earth with an impending heat wave about to engulf me, but its not! I know it’s a bit absurd to go to that drastic place, but seriously, BIG PICTURE. Even just writing myself has made me feel more at home in my mind; yesterday my roommate commented that I seem more calm and happy today. Progress!
So, here is my list of things that make notavogon feel more like myself.

1. Reading (Pretty much anything)
2. Cooking (I’m a prep cook right now by profession, but I love coming up with new recipes and spice combinations)
3. Baking (Not the same as cooking, but just as fun, and usually more delicious outcomes)
4. Yoga or other exercise (I’m not technically super in to yoga, but I do like the focus that comes with it)
5. Dancing (hip hop, all day, every day)
6. Practicing (I should really practice violin today…)
7. Meeting strangers (but always remember stranger danger)
8. Poetry (my other blog was how I usually restore my sanity, because writing down the craziness can help with my creativity and happiness, but I’ve had a bit of writers block lately which only makes it worse)
8. That’s all for now, I’m going to actually do some of these things!!

Hopefully I’ll be back with a new poem later today!

Do You Have The Time?

I have gone mad.
Quite simply put, I cannot concentrate on anything, and I have new ideas for poems and have six in the works right now but can’t complete them for lack of concentration. I’m thinking that maybe a mental health day will help me to relax, but I have to go through a 13 hour day of work and class to get there.
I was fine for the two weeks when CM came to visit me, the longest he has ever stayed with me. I usually get sick of people after having been in close contact with them for only a week or even less. I don’t work well on co dependent teams, its either me in charge or me following orders. But with CM, I didn’t need either of those things because we were just hanging out and having fun which I haven’t done in a while. I knew I liked him, and I knew I loved him, but now I’m sure that I’m also in love with him. It might seem like a weird indicator, and it certainly isn’t the only factor in writing this out, but its really nice to have someone you trust and who you consider an equal partner cone stay with you longer than a few days.
After he left to go back home though, the weirdness started. I am pretty sure if I meditate I will be a little more tolerable to my friends, so hopefully it will work!! I don’t want to alienate anyone, but I can’t hang out until I get my mind calmed down a bit. The whole, racing mind thing runs in the family unfortunately. Not a exactly mental illness, just a thing.
When I’ve sorted things out or sorted enough to get a poem out (usually I just have to get things I really need to get finished done, and then I’ll be back to usual) I will be back posting all the poetry you can stomach, and some of the poetry you can’t. Prepare yourselves 😉

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